MLW Fusion #122 – “Tom Lawlor’s Filthy Island”
February 17th, 2021
Kevin Von Erich’s estate – Kauai, Hawaii
Commentary: “Filthy” Tom Lawlor & Dan Lambert
DISCLAIMER: Major League Wrestling has no affiliation nor does MLW assume any liability whatsoever in the event Filthy Island is a fraudulent business venture. Wrestlers and fans assume all risk associated with journeying to Filthy Island. – Aloha, MLW
Anything For The Spam
We start the show with “Filthy” Tom Lawlor next to a palm street, frustrated on the phone saying that he will “handle it”. He calls over Dominic Garrini and tells him there’s a problem with catering and they are holding everything at the port and there will be no Spam. Garrini says that’s an Italian delicacy, if they are going to do this, they need Spam. Lawlor says he needs Garrini to do a big favor and go down to the port and talk to someone named Cunningham. Lawlor tells him not to break his arm but passes him a bottle of hand sanitizer and says he’ll need this. Garrini questions if he wants him to drown Cunningham. Lawlor says it’s not for him, it’s for Garrini, as Garrini stares into the camera looking dumbfounded.
Welcome To The Island
Tom Lawlor & Dan Lambert welcome us to the show by a table with their sponsors for the evening laid out on their commentary table, some knockoff luncheon meat that isn’t Spam, and bottles of water. Lambert is excited about the matches but said Lawlor promised him a five-star beach and resort, but instead they got Kevin Von Erich’s estate. Lawlor says this is exactly what Hawaii is like. They are legit outside on the island of Kauai, Hawaii, and have a ring set up with no ropes, with someone who is playing cassettes on a boom box for everyone’s entrance music. We see people outside of the ring sitting on chairs and couches to watch the show.
Dominic Garrini vs. Mauna Loa
“Mauna Loa” is someone dressed as a stereotypical islander and keyed as a 14-time Polynesian Pacific champion, trained by King Curtis Iaukea, and advocates a 100% Dole Whip diet. Garrini comes out with a bag with a dollar sign on it, that the referee presents as the prize for this match. Garrini reveals that it’s just Spam though, and Loa throws it away as he quickly takes down Garrini and hits him with a big splash for a 2 count. Garrini goes to the commentary table and claims that Loa is huge and a savage. Garrini goes back in and takes out Loa with a side takedown followed by a chokehold for the quick submission win.
Winner: Dominic Garrini by submission at 39 seconds
Making Moves In Mexico
We are now transported to the jungles in Chichen Itza, Mexico with Rich Bocchini providing a voice-over. We see a camera going through a dark wilderness where it’s raining, and we see frogs. Bocchini gives an update about the Baklei Brawl from two weeks ago and says Mads Krugger is awaiting his next mission from Josef Samael while Alexander Hammerstone is currently on Filthy Island trying to get a little R&R.
Bocchini sends it over to another part of Mexico where Los Parks have a message for Hammerstone. LA Park says “Hello my amigos! It’s the realest family in the game talking to you, specifically CONTRA. You guys want ALL the gold? Well, we also want all the gold in MLW for our new boss.” El Hijo de LA Park chimes in “You pendejos are looking for fights? Well, you found a fight with the realest family. So, this March 3rd, prepare yourselves because it won’t be easy.” LA Park Jr. with “Word, be ready CONTRA, ‘cause you’re looking for gold, but Los Parks won’t allow you to take it, son!” Poppa Park with “That World Heavyweight belt that would be a nice gift to our new friends at Azteca Underground.” His son asks who the new owner is, but dad says he prefers not to say; “But, a gift to him in gold would be excellent. We need to be in the good graces of el Jefe.” Hijo asks his dad if you’re looking for more gold, why not go after Hammerstone? Dad agrees and thinks that’s a good idea, he has many muscles but little intelligence. “I’m a more complete specimen of man. I’d look magnificent with his title! Son, you have given me a great idea. I want his title! I’m going after that belt! I challenge you, vascular coward! I want to secure 2 titles around my waist!”
We saw an ad for AztecaUnderground.Com with the phrase “opportunities abound for believers”.
Cloudy Hawaii
Richard Holliday and Alexander Hammerstone are seen walking around the island saying they expected Hawaii to be nicer with more “Hawaiian” like trees. Holliday says since he’s Caribbean Champion, he just has to do what he has to do to please the consumers. Hammerstone wonders why it’s cloudy here. Holliday says they are better off just going back to the resorts and getting massages.
Blood Will Pour
We go back to the jungles of Chichen Itza, Mexico where it is pitch black and we hear Saint Laurent on commentary, and he says Salina de la Renta has handed him a note from the new owner and proprietor of Promociones Dorado stating that “Blood will pour on the Aztec Temples here in Mexico tonight for the believers”. And it’s signed by El Jefe.
Kevin Ku (w/ Dominic Garrini) vs. Zenshi
The music man puts in a cassette titled ‘Kevin Ku’ to start the Team Filthy music, nice touch. As Ku is waiting for his opponent, we see Zenshi high up in a tree and hits an outstanding 450 splash onto Ku way down below. Zenshi unloads with quick offense until he misses Ku on the outside who grabs him and slams him down on the apron. Ku throws Zenshi to the bare steel post where he is able to grab onto it and kick Ku off. Ku is able to lock up Zenshi in a leg lock, but Zenshi with no ropes to grab, grabs onto the post again to push off Ku. Ku takes Zenshi down with a double-legged takedown into the Boston crab but Zenshi rolls him up for a 2 count that looks closer to a three. After more quick offense, Ku throws Zenshi into the steel post face first. Zenshi tries to come back with kicks but Ku is able to grab Zenshi for a tiger suplex for the pin.
Winner: Kevin Ku by pinfall at 4:59
The Highest Point Of The Von Erich Ranch
We see the Von Erichs high and above the canyon, where Ross says he isn’t able to compete tonight and be there with Low Ki. Marshall feels that Low Ki will be walking into a trap tonight and knows Tom Lawlor will pull something tonight. Ross pulls out the car keys and says it’s time to go crash the party as they jet out of there.
Aztec Jungle Fight Part 1: Mil Muertes vs. Savio Vega
We go back once again to the Chichen Itza jungles in Mexico where both Rich Bocchini and Saint Laurent are on commentary and are not pleased to be there. We see Savio Vega confronting Salina de la Renta who is there with a referee, but Vega gets attacked from behind by Mil Muertes. Muertes starts slamming Vega headfirst against some of the trees there. The commentary team is acting as if they are in the jungle themselves, and feel snakes slithering about. The feed starts glitching out until we get color bars from MLW that we have lost the feed.
When we come back from a commercial, Lawlor says they will try to get feedback from Mexico.
Is TJP A Bully?
Alicia Atout is backstage in Hawaii where she is on a video call with TJP from his home in Los Angeles. Alicia asks TJP how he acted with Bu Ku Dao during and after their match with Los Parks and asks what happened? TJP says the short answer is that they lost, and the tough part is having to have to explain himself. TJP says he’s been wrestling for so long, but in the last six years he has dominated. TJP states not everybody can achieve this, and in the last year or so he could extend his expertise and wisdom and help out both seasoned veterans and up-and-comers. And doesn’t matter what team he will play, he will succeed, but with Dao, he has actively taken the ball out of his hands. TJP says that Dao doesn’t know what winning is, and he can’t teach him more than he has. Alicia claims that TJP’s actions can be considered bullying, but TJP says calling it bullying is a bit too much, and when he came up, he was treated hard and disrespectful as well, and the only difference is when it happened to TJP, he was able to move past them and dominate right away. Dao though is different and can’t do that. Alicia calls this all ridiculous as Dao looks up to him, TJP says obviously he does, as Dao is 4 foot 11. TJP is upset that they are using all this time to talk about Dao and ends the interview.
Gringo Loco vs. Rocky Romero
Rocky Romero, a veteran of TalknShopaMania seems embarrassed and disgusted to be wrestling here tonight. Romero hands his gear to a ‘fan’ ringside who is ecstatic, the same fan tells Romero to look at the ref’s nuts as he has split his pants. They trade wristlocks until Romero takes Loco down with a wheelbarrow arm drag followed by a swinging headscissors. They trade arm drags, into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Loco. They trade punches and elbows, and Loco knocks Romero down with a shoulder tackle and goes running the ropes and stops short, remembering there are no ropes. Loco goes for a surfboard into a side stretch as Lawlor complains that it should have been a surfboard being on an island and all. Romero fires up a couple of times and takes Loco down with ropeless Forever Clotheslines, followed by a hurricanrana off the ring onto the floor. And starts chanting this is ‘For My Dog’. They start fighting on the couches ringside, with Loco hitting a senton onto Romero on what Lambert described as a ‘$5,000 Italian sofa’ as Lawlor says the VIP Lounge has been ruined. Back inside, Loco hits an inverted DDT for a 2 count. Loco misses a backflip, and Romero starts targeting his arms, ending with a tornado DDT off the ring post for the pin.
Winner: Rocky Romero by pinfall at 8:50
Aztec Jungle Fight Part 2: Mil Muertes vs. Savio Vega
Commentary cut from the replay of the last match to take it back to the jungle as they had gotten the feed back as we see Muertes & Vega beating down on each other as the feed keeps showing feed problems. Muertes at one point rakes Vega’s eyes with one of the tree branches. They keep pounding at each other until the feed goes right out.
The Deep Water
It gets interrupted by Josef Samael who claims this is a dangerous world and dangerous times, but the children are oblivious to vulnerability. Children like #INJUSTICE, but specifically the child Jordan Oliver. Samael says perhaps Oliver is just too young to realize that he’s just too stupid to understand consequence, and he should of just stayed in the kiddie pool because he doesn’t belong in the deep water. The deep water is exactly where he will take Oliver, as there will be consequences for his actions and we will see his public execution courtesy of Jacob Fatu. Hail Contra!
Von Erich Live Streaming
We go back to Ross & Marshall Von Erich who are racing to Filthy Island while live streaming. Marshall asks Ross to ‘crank it up!’ as their theme song plays as the live viewers are skyrocketing way past over two thousand
Upcoming Fights
- February 24th – MLW Underground returns w/ CM Punk, Joey Styles, Terry Funk, Steve Corino, and the Extreme Horsemen
- March 3rd – MLW World Heavyweight Championship: Jacob Fatu vs. Jordan Oliver
- March 3rd – MLW World Tag Team Championship: Los Parks vs. CONTRA
- March 31st – MLW Never Say Never
We go back to the conclusion of this vicious brawl as Muertes and Vega are still fighting in the jungle. Muertes starts choking Vega out with a tree vine as the thunder starts rumbling in the background. Vega is able to take Muertes out with a headbutt and grabs a crowbar, Muertes is able to fight Vega off though, and grab the crowbar himself. Muertes knocks Vega out cold with the crowbar to the side of the head as Salina de la Renta hands Muertes a shovel and tells him to finish the job, but Muertes goes for the cover first. Muertes is seen digging a grave, as Bocchini & Laurent sign off from there.
Winner: Mil Muertes by pinfall at 25:15
Spam Included
We go ringside where “Filthy” Tom Lawlor is greeting Alexander Hammerstone and Richard Holliday. Lawlor says for men of their stature, he spares no expense and found the best property that money can buy. Holliday stops him and questions why there’s a dead fish on the floor and asks about all the garbage around the island, but he does like the Starbucks cup as Lawlor drinks the rest of what’s in the cup. Lawlor starts showing off all the sofa and ringside seating, Holliday isn’t impressed but Hammerstone decides to sit down and lounge back before being pulled off by Holliday. Holliday said he is prepared to make an offer of zero dollars and he’ll be doing Lawlor a favor. Hammerstone asks if the Spam is included. Lawlor says it is, and opens up the can with his teeth, and begins to offer it up, but Holliday is disgusted. Hammerstone is intrigued by the 30 grams of protein and follows Lawlor. Lawlor kicks out one of the fans so Hammerstone can sit and says this is a classy place, unlike UFC. Hammerstone says they will consider it and is intrigued with the Spam as they walk away.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated Top 10
10) Jordan Oliver
9) Calvin Tankman
8) Myron Reed
7) Mil Muertes
6) Richard Holliday
5) Mads Krugger
4) Low Ki
3) Lio Rush
2) “Filthy” Tom Lawlor
1) Alexander Hammerstone
MLW World Heavyweight Champion: Jacob Fatu
King of the Knockouts 2: King Mo vs. Low Ki
Throughout tonight’s presentation Low Ki is billed as “Low IQ” on the graphics and the ‘filthy facts’ pop-up says he ‘Suffers from CTE, is a sore loser and the James Earl Jones of Puerto Rico”. Low Ki stares down Lawlor ringside on commentary as he waits for King Mo. Mo and Low Ki start brawling right away, but Mo is able to knock him down and put him in a leg lock and bangs his leg against the hard ring a couple of times before putting him back into another leg lock. Low Ki grabs onto the back of Mo and is able to lock on a chokehold bringing Mo down who starts to bang down on the ring reaching for the edge of the ropes but the referee takes that as a tap out and ends the match. Lawlor, Lambert and Garrini, and Kevin Ku all ringside start yelling at the referee that that wasn’t a tap out.
Winner: Low Ki by submission at 1:34
Lawlor grabs the referee and takes him out handing him a Spam and says that’s his pay. Team Filthy starts surrounding Low Ki in the middle of the ring and all three attack him until we see the Von Erichs driving fast in a Jeep. The Von Erichs jump into the ring and start helping Low Ki take out Team Filthy as their music is blasting through the Jeep speakers. Lambert on commentary is lambasting on Low Ki and the Von Erichs as the brawling continues. Low Ki is able to toss Lawlor right into the windshield of the Jeep as Low Ki and the Von Erichs stand tall to end the show.
Siino Vision: This show was exactly what I envisioned and I have to admit I was mostly entertained. I didn’t expect any good wrestling per se but a ‘Filthy’ parody of Fight Island and the Fyre Festival and this delivered for me.
Lawlor & Lambert were entertaining throughout and the stuff in the ring was the most entertaining throughout, especially Zenshi with the crazy spot off the tree and the wrestlers trying to find innovative moves to perform without any ropes and using the ring and post instead. The only thing that didn’t really do it for me was the Aztec Jungle as it screamed the same errors they had for the Baklei Brawl with the constant feed cutting out and lackluster environment to do anything special in. Browsed through the Azteca Underground website they promoted and I am definitely intrigued on where that goes, but it just feels like it’s been dragging way too long, hopefully by Never Say Never we’ll get a pay-off. As of now just Mil Muertes and Los Parks are shown under their roster page. Was it a great show? No, but I would rather watch something entertaining for an hour that’ll make it seem entertaining to me at least.
6 Spam cans out of 10.
